“you deserve better than walmart.”

“tell that to my wallet.”

“put the wallet on…”

“this is the wallet speaking.”

“wallet, although i am impressed with both your ability to speak and type, i must inform you that despite your fine work being a fully cognizant money receptacle, your work has been falling off as of late. i’m afraid that if more money isn’t brought in.. we are going to have to let you go.”

“dude, no way. you can’t blame this shit on me. tell that bitch she needs to get out and brings me mo money!”

“she, mr. wallet, is doing her best. need i remind you that the relationship between a wallet and human is symbiotic? i can’t help but assume a thinking, speaking, typing wallet might use such skills in the pursuit of economic gains!”

“i already take care of all of her financial business! what more do you want from me? besides.. even if i thought you were right.. do YOU know anyone who’d hire a wallet? part time of course.”

“i would think the answer is obvious, sir. simply secure the services of an organ grinder, a gypsy or italian perhaps, and sing and dance for the money thrown. why, i’d venture to say that if i mysef were to aspy such a wonder as a singing wallet on my daily trip down the boardwalk, i would be tossing far more than a penny into the hat i must say!”

“but.. what if someone STOLE me? i mean yes i’m empty most of the time.. but still someone would find use for me.. i’m quite an attractive piece of merchandise you see. in fact i cost more than i hold most days.”

“true, dear wallet, true, but surely you should have faith in your owner’s ability to rough up any passing rogue who might try such a feat.”

“my faith in her is unwavering, this is true.. however a day may come where we have to work at the same time. and then what? it would be counterintuitive to hire a bodyguard. too expensive.”

“perhaps. or perhaps you underestimate the money making power of such a novelty as a speaking wallet.”

.

and later…

.

“i’m not leather.”

“what are you?”

“my tag says made in china. so.. probably lead i’d imagine.”