“Oh, hey — I’m glad you could make it!” I’m smiling through gritted teeth as I speak.

“Yeah, me too. I’m sorry about all that unpleasantness at the protest earlier. I guess we both let our tempers get the best of us.” He seems sincere, but I see his eyes scanning around for… what? I don’t know. Maybe a pile of dismembered babies or something.

“Exactly. We’re both passionate people, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no reason why we can’t be friends.” There is a reason, a pretty big one. I value freedom of choice and the liberty of women to make decisions regarding their own body, and this dude allies himself with arsonists and murderers in an effort to further the cause of misogyny.

That is reason enough not to be friends.

“So, if you go into the dining room there dinner laid out on the table.” I point the way and keep back, letting him get the full experience.

“Great, I’m absolutely starv— Wait… what is this?” He picks up a jug that smells so bad it practically has stink lines emanating from within.

“Oh that? That’s the cheese course.”

“No this… this looks like expired milk. What’s going on here?”

“Excuse me, but that’s milk and rennet, thank you very much. I think you’ll find that it has the potential to be cheese, so we’re gonna treat it like cheese.”

He doesn’t get it. Yet.

“And over there you’ll see a pile of vegetables, some raw meat, and a great big mound of dry rice. Given some time, and the right conditions, it could be a lovely risotto. So I expect you’ll be wanting to dig in.” I’m smirking. I promised myself I wouldn’t smirk.

“Oh. Oh, I see. This is some stupid point about abortion, right? This is pathetic.”

“I’m sorry? Are you disparaging my hard work? This is possibly a lovely meal one day, and you’re just gonna leave?” He’s pissed off, I can tell. It’s not over.

“Yeah, I’m going. Where’s the phone? I have to call a cab.”

“Hey, no need, man. There’s a bunch of scrap metal and a fair bit of fuel laid out on the driveway for you. Might as well be a car, right? Have a safe drive home.”

He glares at me, and slams the front door on the way out.